i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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