This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
