why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
