She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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