His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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