Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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