remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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