Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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