I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
