What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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