all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
