This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Randomize
