yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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