apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
