if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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