I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
he's single and there are thong briefs.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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