I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
