Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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