Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
