Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
