i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Randomize
