Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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