Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
