i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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