Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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