worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
