You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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