ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
