There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
