You work out of a Hotel?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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