Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
