do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
