I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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