I am puke
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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