I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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