I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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