that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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