either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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