My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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