and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
