Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
