So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
