I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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