i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
