the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
