he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
