woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
