I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
