Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
