I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
