I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
