You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
