I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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