Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
