Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
