Dude my mom stole all your condoms
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
