Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
