i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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