I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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