Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
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