btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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